Amazing Grace...

I had an interesting Christmas! The realization of what it would've meant had Jesus never been born hit me this year. It seems like a DUH moment. But I guess I just grew up with "Jesus is the reason for the season" as a mantra. Yeah yeah, I know the story Mary and Joseph had a baby. Blah bla blah. Can I open my presents now? This was my mentality up until this year.

Maybe I was thinking about it because of the plan I had made for Christmas. I was supposed to hand blankets out to the homeless. Yes, ME! I relied a lot on God's Grace this Christmas season. Because there is NO WAY I could do these things in my power! The homeless?! I have always been scared of the homeless! I have memories of them coming up to me for money and if I had none, they'd get angry at me.

So when God told me to pass out blankets to the homeless, I was sure He crossed wires somewhere and didn't realize who He was talking to. I talked to people about it. Hoping they'd discourage me. (Go figure, I'm constantly surrounded by negativity and when I go looking for it, the pessimists decide to become optimists!) It turned out that every single person I talked to had also been thinking about doing this sort of ministering, but never wanted to step out and start it. So there was my confirmation. God didn't cross wires. He knew who He was talking to. He just must've been bonkers!

So once again, I felt the need to remind Him of all my shortcomings. He has way too much faith in my abilities! So I fought and fought. I even told Him a couple of times that I wasn't doing it. I'd argue with Him, God I have my calling! I have my girls class. I had some level of peace when I got my girls class given to me. I didn't have any peace about this new "project" from God. I was confused. I remember crying and praying one morning, God why would you ask me to do something outside of my current calling? I work with teenage girls! Not homeless adults. If you truly want me to do this, give me the peace I have with my girls class. Because right now it feels all wrong. That night was a Wednesday. I went into class. I hadn't told Caryn about that conversation with God. And she out of nowhere makes me tell the girls about what God had told me to do. Reluctantly, I told them how He asked me to give blankets to the homeless. All of the sudden, the girls were so excited! They asked how God told me. They asked if they could help. They asked if the class could go out and do it. I sat there looking down at the table. Not able to look up at the girls, cause I knew I'd burst out crying. There was my answer from God. He'd just make it so I could use it as a stepping stone to teach the girls.

From then on, I no longer questioned whether He was talking to the right person. I just questioned His faith in my abilities. Cause I had NO faith in my abilities to do it. What I didn't see was that He wasn't looking for MY abilities alone. He knew all along that He was gonna just put the tiniest hint of me & a HUGE dose of His Grace, along with the Holy Spirit! All I saw was my flaws and shortcomings! I'd name them off to Him regularly. But He saw it! He saw what He knew I could be. I'm so glad He's able to look past what we see, and see the potential that we can't see! Without Him, I am nothing. But with His Grace, I am someone who can make a difference! We all are! All we need is the faith that He will be with us. He will not call us to a place and then disappear saying ok, have fun your on your own.

So Christmas morning, I found myself standing on a street corner giving away blankets to the homeless. I don't feel it's a long term calling, but it was a chance to be obedient. (Even with all my kicking and screaming.) I realized that God will stick by you through everything if you stay in His will. And that the Grace of God is priceless!

Had Jesus never been born, we never would've had an Easter. We'd still be living under the Law. The Holy Spirit would have never come to reside in us to give us power and comfort us. We would not have had His AMAZING Grace! I'd still be sitting on a bar stool living a useless existance, until I died.

Because of Jesus and His Grace, I am saved! I am walking out this amazing new life He's given me. Uncomfortable most times, yes! But if I'm not moving forward and going somewhere, I might as well have stayed where I was! Now I say...Ok, God what's next?! ..Then flinch and see what He says! =)

My Love..

In my one very tiny experience of being "in love", that other human being was everything to me. My every thought was consumed with him. What could I do to make him happy? What would I give up for him? The answer was anything and everything. The most satisfying feeling was his smile, knowing I pleased him. Somehow in that moment I was good enough. That smile was what I lived for.

As I sat and thought about this, I wondered.. How does this compare with my love for God? I want my love for Him to always be like those first few months of a relationship. Never fading. Doing anything and everything to please Him! If I got anything out of my "relationship" it's the understanding of what a pure love is! It's unconditional, unselfish, and the best feeling in the world. I have that for my God & He has that for me!

Let's prove them wrong!

In another episode of "Just For The Record. By Jen" I hate Fox news! It's constantly blaring in this house. All it ever is, is two sides screaming at each other! Really what's the use? All it does is get it's audience fired up and angry too! And let's be honest, they are not "fair and balanced" anymore then CNN is! And why do they have to be? Cause in reality, I don't know of many people who care to know an opposing sides views! And if they do, they usually just shoot them right down without even thinking it out! Really when you get down to it, not many people care about "fair and balanced" cause that means that there's some chance that you may possibly be wrong in your thinking.

Let's face it, Whether you are Conservative or Liberal, your theories will have flaws. And you may just have some things incorrect. No one is God. He's the only one who has it ALL correct! I really wish we could get rid of labels for people. Cause really all they do is cause stereotypes, give us more fuel for our fire, and keep us from loving the people that God has called us to love and show HIS love to! Yelling at eachother gets you nowhere! Pray for what you think needs to be changed in this world! Otherwise we just play right into the world's stereotype of a Christian. Instead, let's just prove them wrong by acting as the followers of Jesus that we claim to be!

Your Yoke..

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

So as I read this this morning, the words "take my yoke upon you" stuck out to me! It's a choice. We choose to take off our yokes ( all the things we deal with ) and CHOOSE to pick His up instead. It's a surrender!

I wonder why we walk around for so long carrying our yoke. Do we feel like we don't deserve a lighter yoke? Do we just wait for Him to switch our yokes? Do we realize that it will take some work to give that yoke up? Or do we see giving up that yoke as a sacrifice? Are we using our yoke as a justification for the way we act and live out our lives? "Well you haven't been through what I've been through.." Does holding onto our yoke give us a false sense of security?

Making the decision to take off your yoke and taking on God's, will expect more out of you. It will take away your "well you have to understand, in my past..." responses. It causes maturity.

I think putting your yoke down and putting on God's is something you have to learn to do. It's a conscience choice. I think we have a Swiss army knife of yokes! It's like okay today I need the "fear yoke." Tomorrow, I may need the "you don't understand what I've been through yoke. (Otherwise known as the victim yoke.)

And, I can just imagine (in my graphic sorta mind) us having taken off our yoke, and taking on God's. And we're walking along going through life. And for some reason, our circumstances change and we stop our walk and actually decide to take Gods yoke off and decide to put one of ours back on again! We do it daily.

It's kind of strange that God wants to deliver us from all our baggage, but somehow we still manage to keep some back for ourselves in case we need to pick it up again later on. I wonder if one of the reasons, is that when we pray for God to take something away, He knows our heart and He knows deep down we want to keep a piece of it. You never know when you'll need a good excuse! We don't completely surrender it to Him.

He doesn't want us to live in fear. He constantly tells us not to! Then why when we ask to be delivered from it, do we still struggle with it? We must be holding onto it ourselves! He's probably standing there going "then let go of it!"

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" Stop picking it up!

I mean I know that we are left to work through things sometimes so we mature and that's awesome! And I am by no means complaining about my fear! Granted it'd be nice if poof it just went away. But I realize its something I have to walk through. And to be honest right now I kinda enjoy pushing myself through it!

What are my motives?

Remember when you were younger, and you'd play that game where someone goes "Now I'm going to say a word, you tell me the first word that pops into your mind"? (Well let me go on record as saying I always hated that game! My first reaction was always to repeat the word in my head! They would say cat and I would think cat, while I tried to think of a useful first word!) I guess it's the thinker in me! =)

Well I read this scripture verse and it reminded me right away, of that game.

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.." Ephesians 3:20

My first thought was how it was such a powerful statement. It made me wonder what the majority of society's initial reaction would be. Would most of us think "Woo Hoo! I have a genie in a bottle" then proceed to list all these selfish things we felt we needed or deserved.

This question in turn made me examine myself specifically, and wonder what my reaction would be or even is.

What do I ask of God? Do I have faith and dream big? At my core, what are the motives behind my prayers? Are my prayers to esteem others and God, or to make my life more comfortable? After thinking about this a lot. I've decided to do a little studying on how Jesus and Paul prayed. While I'm sure if I studied it, it'd all be contained in the Lord's Prayer, but I want to go deeper than that.

I want to be deeper than that.

I don't want to have these shallow "do this for me and while you're at it, could you do that for me. Oh and I almost forgot, help so & so" kind of prayers. That's how I used to pray before I got saved!

I want to glorify Him in my prayers.

I want to pray His heart, not mine.

I Choose..

This morning, I read this in a Max Lucado book I'm reading. It is just the right thing at just the right time..

It's Quiet. It's early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep. The day is coming.

In a few moments the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of the solitude will be replaced by the pounding pace of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.

For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day's demands. It is now that I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I'm free to choose. And so I choose.

I choose love...
No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness, I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I choose joy...
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical...the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I choose peace...
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose patience...
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complaining that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose kindness...
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I choose goodness...
I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

I choose faithfulness...
Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that they father will not come home.

I choose gentleness...
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I choose self-control...
I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace.

And then when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.

My peace..

I woke up this morning and as I lay there, looking out my window I wonder what my day will bring. The sky looks peaceful today. I have a picture in my head. It's a huge field with a single tree in it. How I wish I could be in that field sitting under that tree in a nice rainstorm. Today, that's what peace looks like to me. Then I get up walk out of my room and life starts. Here we go back to the noise.

But at least there's coffee here. =)